The long-term success of your marriage (or any relationship for that matter) is being able to create a healthy balance between “alone” and “together” time.  When my father was alive, my immediate family would take an annual Florida vacation together.  

I love my family and we have a strong relationship but we soon figured out that we needed to have some time alone, away from each so we could pursue whatever was important to us – to recharge if you will. For me, it was reading and working out.  After this, we would come back together, recharged and ready for our “together” time. My wife and I also learned this principle early on in our marriage.  Whether at home or away on a vacation, we give each other the freedom to have some alone time to pursue whatever is important to us individually.  Then when we are back together, we are emotionally ready to invest in one another.     

One way that you can strike a great balance of alone and together time is to sit down and talk about it.  Novel idea, right? Everyone has their own idea of how much alone time they need. The other side of this coin is that you both also have an idea of how much “together” time you need as well. When one person feels that either side of the coin is out of balance, resentment can build up over time.

The way to keep things healthy is to communicate with your spouse and come up with some ideas of how you can support each other. Below I’ve included some quick questions for you to each fill out on your own so you can come together and start the conversation.

What kinds of things do you like to enjoy on your own?

What are your favorite things to do as a couple?

If you’re not pursuing those things right now, what is stopping you?

How much frequency / time is ideal for the above?

As you each answer these questions, now try to figure out a way you can help your partner. Are they getting enough time to recharge? How can you support them if they aren’t taking any time?

Sometimes we can get into the rut of simply trudging through the everyday work of life and forget to take some time to feed ourselves individually and together as a couple—and both can have negative consequences on our emotional, spiritual and relational health.

However, when we take regular breaks to invest in some time for ourselves, we can replenish some of the energy we give out each day and in turn become an even stronger version of ourselves, ready to support those around us when needed.

How do you make sure you are keeping the balance of alone and together time? I would love to hear your ideas in the comments!

Your Virtual Life Mentor,

Doug

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