Much like the popular Grease song, “we go together, like rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong,” traditions over the holidays have always seemed to just go together. The Christmas season has typically been filled with traditions as families all over the globe celebrated the holidays in unique ways. A few days before Christmas, my family takes a carriage ride through downtown Indianapolis, followed by a nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. We have been doing this for years. It is a great time to see the Christmas lights and enjoy some quality time together. Early on, my kids did not really appreciate the tradition we were trying to establish, but now, after a few years of consistently doing it, they are usually the ones to remind us to make sure we schedule it for the next year.

Unfortunately, though for many families, traditions over the holidays seem to go less together. Families get busy and before they know it, being able to enjoy a long held tradition becomes another point of contention. But what if you are the couple who are at odds with what traditions (if any) to do in the first place? Here are a few tips on how you can work through it and experience your best Christmas yet.

First of all, I want to encourage you to not focus on how things “have to be,” or on “what has always been”, but rather on where it can go now. You cannot focus on the past, the past has moved on. It is time to move forward and try a different approach. I do not want to be Mr. Obvious here, but it is true, not everyone celebrates the holidays and Christmas in the same way; and that is okay. You might consider adopting a new tradition, one that recognizes certain elements of traditions that are important to each other.

• Consider Combining: Try sitting down together with a pen and paper and outline everything that is important to each one of you when it comes to what traditions are most important. Then rate each item from most important to least important. Once you determine what the priority is, you can then eliminate what is not. This will give you your starting point for discussions.

• Customize & Create: After you are married for a while and if you decide to have kids, you tend to want to customize or create your own traditions that are uniquely important for your family. Some families go out to see a movie after a holiday meal, some open presents on Christmas eve, some read the Christmas story on Christmas morning, some take their kids to deliver presents to families in need, and some take a family trip to sunny Florida. The bottom line here is that not one tradition is necessarily better than the other. You do not need to get all stressed out about having to create the perfect tradition. You should focus on creating memories and meaningful family time with the people, you treasure most.

• Celebrate Consistently: There are holiday and Christmas seasons for every family, when tragedy or difficulties strike and celebrating is far less important. If this describes you, as much as you possibly can, do not stop celebrating. It might mean making some adjustments, but by not celebrating only adds to the hurt and disappointment you may already be feeling. You will strengthen your relationship with one another by continuing to celebrate the traditions you have established, and doing it consistently.

Holidays and traditions are what you make them out to be. By having a good attitude and working together, and establishing some positive traditions, will play a critical role in impacting your family for years to come. Despite the fact that many families have chosen to make traditions over Christmas less important, you can do the best thing for your family and have your best holiday yet, by first deciding what is most important, customizing to what works best for your family, and then making sure to be consistent.