You may have noticed that Hollywood is not always kind to couples who do decide to do a project together, and that is because a disaster is often a good story and let’s be honest, it can be quite funny. But in truth, having shared interests and doing a project together can actually be a great building block for a marriage, and can empower you and bring you closer. Let me explain…

Lingering home improvement projects can be a source of stress in a marriage (can I hear a big Amen), so setting a time to work on one together can kill two birds with one stone. More than two birds, really, because in addition to knocking a to-do off your list and spending some time together, you develop experience working through challenges as a couple at a time of your choosing. This is important, because as you work through these challenges, you develop the skills and character to manage larger and more serious crises that can often take place in your marriage (e.g. death of a loved one, discipline challenges with children, the loss of a job). So we may dread the thought of taking on a home improvement project together, but in reality, it can be a wonderful opportunity to spend more time together, enjoying what the project has produced and become stronger people.

Of course, if neither of you are particularly handy (or have the funds to hire a contractor); there are still plenty of great choices out there to spend some time together. Have you considered gardening? It is a nice way to do something that is more “homey” without having to pick up a hammer. Bicycling together can be a lot of fun, and major cities are increasingly adding bike trails, so you can combine biking with specific destinations like restaurants or museums. If you are looking for something a little more scheduled and structured, you should try ballroom dancing. I have done this twice now and let me say if anything, it sure helps when you show up at someone’s wedding and have to get out on the dance floor.

For the guys in my audience who are more traditional, yes, cooking can be a fun hobby for the two of you to do together, and guess what it can be cheaper than going out to eat. If this did not get your attention, have you ever read the book Sex Begins in the Kitchen by Kevin Leman? Ok, finally I have your attention. What is important to remember here is that cooking together can be a great time for the two of you, to turn off the TV, have some fun together, talk while you cook and make something that both of you will enjoy eating.

I often highlight in this blog different ways to reconnect one-on-one. But maybe you or your spouse (or both) are the “sanguine” type/social butterflies, who find yourself wanting time alone and time with friends? This is not a bad thing, but it will require effort by both of you to make sure you are balancing both interests. I would encourage you to prioritize first the time you are going to spend together as a couple before scheduling time with friends. For the time you spend with friends, adult sports leagues, church small groups, and couples service groups can be great options.

If you happen to have small kids, and you can’t afford a babysitter, and you don’t have family nearby, see if you can gather a group of couples who’d like to trade babysitting services to ensure everyone can have a date now and then. I have tried this before early in our marriage and it worked great. Make sure though it is couples you trust and parent similar to you, it will save you a lot of headaches later.

Finally, in our fast-paced and often frantic society, it is too easy to treat spending time together as optional, but what you may not even realize is how much the two of you need this time. Think of it as putting on your own oxygen masks first. What strengthens your marriage strengthens your family, and even your community as a whole. Make it a priority to spend time together. It really is that important.

God Bless,

Doug Hedrick