Happy New Year!  Tired of all the new gym membership commercials yet?  Well, it’s true that with the new year, we all start becoming a little more reflective about the previous year and the coming year ahead.  This is good because when we are reflective, we are paying attention.

Consider this, “what you put into something, is what you get out.”  Said another way, what we put our energy and time into is what ends up becoming the most fruitful, and that’s why putting some time this year into cultivating your relationship with your partner is one of the most important things you can do.  I have put together 4 New Year resolution ideas that will help you develop a deeper connection and reaffirm your partnership with your sweetie in 2018.

Tackle a long-term goal together.

Tackling long-term goals together can strengthen you as a couple, add some fun, and can help you reach your own personal New Year goals as well. Whether it’s a “get your hands dirty DIY” project for your home, a class that teaches you both a cool new skill, a challenging fitness goal or even a must-read New Year’s challenge book list, tackling a long-term goal together will give you both new and fun experiences, encourage growth, and most importantly—let you spend time with your favorite person (that’s the goal right)!

If you have a busy family life, I would strongly suggest setting a date in your calendar and use it to talk out all of your options.  Once you find a common interest you can both get on board with, plan what you’ll do together and let the fun begin.

Discover what sparks your partner’s love language—and give it!

Maybe you already know your partner’s “love language” or maybe you’ve never heard of it, but we all give and express love in unique ways. The general idea that each of us identifies with the 5 love languages of giving / receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and touch is widely accepted.

Of course, all five of the love languages are necessary in any relationship, but your partner likely feels sparked by one or two over the rest.  Spend some time thinking about how you feel the most loved and how your partner expresses it. Then think about your partner a little and determine what your partner’s love language may be. You can even do this for your kids.  

Talk about this together and then spend some time thinking of ways that show your partner you love them in their language. Have fun with it and connect in new ways with your partner.

Go to bed at the same time on more nights.

Want to immediately improve connection with your partner? Make it a priority to go to bed together at the same time—if your schedules permit. When it’s quiet and when there aren’t as many distractions, you’ll begin to relax and can connect. This time of eye contact, closeness, and discussing what is on your mind is so simple but it’s easy to overlook. When we are constantly connected to our screens and attached to our schedules, it is a healthy habit to “disconnect”. So put down the tablets, phones, turn the TV off and create a little space in time to connect—you’ll be glad you did!

Set New Year goals but also be realistic.

So often we want to sprint to make up for what was lacking in the last year and so we get a little bit impractical in our pursuit of our new resolutions (this is my tendency).  But the biggest mistake we can make is giving up on our goals too soon because we got overwhelmed in the beginning. There is no reason to sprint!  Slow and steady wins the race, so set attainable, realistic goals that you can both make. Having a healthy relationship with your spouse this new year is all about progress and growth, not getting there quickly.  There are enough unhealthy relationships out there don’t be one of them.  This is your year to enjoy the journey with your partner in all its ups and downs. After all—you are both in this together!

Your Virtual Life Mentor,

Doug