We live in a society where many families, especially military families, live apart from their in-laws. While it may be your intention to have a healthy relationship with your in-laws, distance, time and other requirements often get in the way of building a stronger relationship. As a result, feelings get hurt, and this can have long-term damaging effects on all of your relationships.

If you are one of the many families who live apart from your in-laws, and your relationship with them has suffered, here are some practical ways you can begin to strengthen your relationship.  

1. Talk to them first. As difficult as this may sound, it is important to set the groundwork and let your in-laws know that you want to invest more in your relationship with them and that you have some ideas for how to do that. Ask them if they have any ideas too and let them know how much you appreciate their input. If they express frustration with what has happened in the past, don’t worry about trying to defend yourself, just express your gratitude for their honest feedback.
2. Suggest regular video chats. Technology is a huge opportunity for families. Tools like Skype and FaceTime make it possible for you to have conversations for free with friends and family even though you may be many miles apart. Whether you choose to chat once per month, or a couple times a year, make that time sacred and show your in-laws how much you respect their time by actually being available. If you have children, make sure they can participate as much as possible. It will go a long way if they can show their grandparents a new toy, a new skill or a piece of art. Grandparents love to see what their grandchildren are doing, and they love to hear them talk about it, especially if it was something, they helped purchase.
3. Write letters. Send pictures. This might sound too traditional, especially with Facebook and other online sharing options that so many of us use already. Taking the time to handwrite a letter means a lot to most people. Because it is so easy to post a picture or send an email, the mailed written letter will brighten your in-laws’ days all the more. Anyone can quickly email a picture or an email, but if you pepper your communication with personal notes and photos, you will strengthen your in-law relationships tenfold.
4. And do send that text too. Just because it’s easy to text or send an email, doesn’t mean that you should avoid it. If your little one starts walking, take a short video and send it to your mother-in-law. She will treasure that little video and probably show it to all of her friends. Sometimes we as parents become defensive or are reluctant to share these little moments with our in-laws because we don’t want to be lectured on how to do it better. For most families, taking the high road and investing in your relationship is a positive step forward, so go ahead and send that text!
5. Make a planned vacation. If you’re anything like my family, you want to treasure your vacation time, especially if your spouse has been away for an extended period of time. The last thing you want is negative energy all around you. Maybe your in-laws aren’t first on your list for family to visit or vacation with, but what I can tell you is that if you are wanting to have a healthy relationship with the in-laws, there must be time spent face-to-face. You don’t need to plan a vacation every year, but it is important to show your respect by asking them when in the next year would be a good time for a planned vacation or a couple day visit. Make sure you revisit the subject every couple of months so that they understand you’re serious about your request. If it takes a few months or even a year to make it happen, they will appreciate your efforts.

No matter where you live, how busy you are or how rocky your history may be with your in-laws, it is important you show them they are important. The Bible says we are to honor our parents, and this means your in-laws. You may not always like how they act but what’s most important is whether you are doing the right thing. Truth is, if you have children, you are setting the tone, and if they see you doing your best to pursue a healthy relationship with your in-laws, they are more than likely to follow your example. You don’t want to live your life with regrets, do what you can to strengthen your relationship. Like it or not, God gave you your in-laws for a reason. Praying for You!