Last week if you missed it, I wrote about how to keep your husband falling in love with you.  I received several “amens” from the guys, so I am hoping the ladies will give similar feedback this week. Do you remember ladies, how you felt when you first heard your husband tell you he loved you? I asked my wife if she remembered, and thankfully, she gave me a big smile. It is a challenge for most couples, to keep those initial “love feelings” alive and growing after being married for a while. For you guys, you may still love your wife, but she may not feel the same for you.

As I said in last week’s blog, I have worked with countless number of couples who have shared their heartwarming stories of how they fell in love. However, sadly enough, they also shared their stories of how they fell out of love. From these stories, I have put together some key insights of what I believe are some effective ways you guys, can keep your wife falling in love with you. Here is what I discovered.

• Adore your wife.  Women need to know they are adored. Do not just tell her she is beautiful; let her know why she is beautiful. Demonstrate that you are devoted and treasure her above all other hobbies, work and human relationships. A great way to show her how much you adore her is the way you speak to her. Are you typically critical and demeaning? Try spending more time celebrating what you appreciate about her vs. focusing on what frustrates you.
• Know your wife.  Your marriage is a life-long study of learning about each other. God created every person different, including one’s personality, interests and talents. You need to know things such as what interests her, what bothers her, why does she see the world in the way she does, what are her hopes and dreams and what triggers her to react in certain ways. You need to discover how you can help your wife excel in the way God created her. Praise her for what makes her distinct and let her know that you love her for who she is.
• Connect emotionally.  Women need to be able to connect on the heart level with their husbands. This does not mean you have to read poetry together. What it does mean though is that you need to seek out ways to understand what helps your wife feel connected to you emotionally. I often find this can mean that you give her uninterrupted time during the week to listen to her without having to voice your opinion or solve something for her.
• Share in her hobbies and interests.  Perhaps you both do not love doing all the same things—this is normal and definitely okay. However, if you want to help keep her falling in love with you, you need to embrace a hobby or interest of hers (or at least give her the time to do something on her own). This may mean taking a ballroom dancing lesson, going to her movie of choice, learning about making pottery, taking a bike ride or going to your local state park and hitting the trails for a long walk. This may not be your first choice of how you would want to spend your day, but I promise you, your wife will take notice of the effort you are making to support her. The good news is that many of the guys who do this well, and with a good attitude, often find their spouse more willing to do the same for them.
• Encourage her independence.  For some women, they may feel a sense of losing themselves after being married for a while and if they have kids. Having to manage the roles of mother, wife and for many full-time employee, can disconnect the two of you as a couple. I cannot stress enough the importance of encouraging your wife to spend time doing something she enjoys by herself or with some good friends. You are married to someone that is more than a wife and mother; she is gift from God who is too praised for who she is as woman.

If you desire to keep your wife falling in love with you, you need to start adoring her, knowing her, connecting with her emotionally, share in her interests and encourage her independence. This will make a huge impact and help you have a happier wife and better marriage.

Men, it is time to step up and lead.

God Bless,

Doug Hedrick