One thing I’ve learned during my work as a US Army chaplain is that arguments are certain to arise in almost every relationship we encounter. It’s human nature.
But disagreements—whether they’re with a loved one, such as a spouse or child, or with a co-worker—do not have to be nasty, disruptive, and fundamentally unhealthy. Actually, effective arguing is a natural outgrowth of godly values: be kind, listen, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
At Centurion’s Watch, we believe you can use the challenges you face, such as arguments, to build even stronger values, principles, and character. Mostly, I believe, it’s a matter of allowing your faith to guide you.
Arguing is Not Fundamentally a Bad Thing
Arguments in and of themselves are not a bad thing. The dictionary defines “argument” as primarily an exchange of information for or against something so that another person’s opinion is changed. Clearly,we need argument in our lives to exchange opinions and ideas, which leads to improvement, excellence,and a sense of fulfillment.
When problems develop and an argument turns into a heated quarrel, it’s primarily because we’ve strayed from the way God would have us treat our fellow humans. We stop listening to the other person we’re talking with. We treat them with disrespect. We assume that our opinions are more important than anyone else’s.
The natural question is: how do you come together and work that out as a couple?
Let biblical Values Guide You in Marital Arguments
I truly believe that if we follow biblical teachings, marital disagreements can be resolved in a way that moves the relationship forward. If you have an argument—when something obviously is causing a division between you and your spouse—the natural question is: how do you come together and work that out as a couple? Because in a marriage, you either are moving together toward oneness, or you are moving away from each other toward isolation.
The faith-based component that can bring husbands and wives together to resolve arguments in an effective manner is to approach the disagreement with godly principles and values. Understand God’s view, which is that each partner is equally valued and that each partner needs to have a say. You need to work together as a unit, as opposed to having one person say: “I’m going to do it my way!”
Effective Argument in the Workplace
The same values that resolve arguments effectively in marriage can be carried over into the workplace, or anywhere in life, actually. I would say it’s a matter of putting each person you encounter into the position God would put them; understand the value and worth of the individual. Recognize that each person deserves the right to be heard. Truly listen to the other person and respect their right to share their point of view.
Ultimately, the same characteristics that define Christianity —compassion, empathy, respect for others, and the dignity of our very existence—are what steer arguments away from becoming mere quarrels and toward becoming useful exchanges of opinions, ideas, and a tool for consensus building.
