When we think about a date night, it may be natural to jump to the thought of having to spend time planning and getting all dressed up for an expensive night out on the town. We start to picture flowers or lingering over a long meal and a bottle of wine at an expensive restaurant.

Do not get me wrong. These magical nights are often worth it, but they are surely not the only good option out there for a date night with your spouse.

Think back for a second to when you were a teenager (scary thought, I know). Like most of us, you probably did not have the money to throw around on an expensive date night just to get to know the cute boy or girl in your social studies class. So the definition of a date (or hanging out in today’s lingo) became pretty broad. Bowling, catching a movie, getting meal at a fast food place, attending a sporting event together or even just hanging out at the mall became a date.

Now think about when you first got together with your spouse. Think about how all you wanted to do was spend time with them. It did not matter if it was a fine restaurant, taking an exercise class together or shopping for groceries. The important part was that you were spending time together, talking, and laughing.

I am going to let you in on a little secret: things do not have to change drastically just because you are older, have been together for a while and are juggling full-time work.

Try expanding your definition of a date night, or change your perspective of the things you now do together. For example, if you typically go to Costco to buy a few things and while there you get an ice cream cone on your way out, you may consider this just part of your weekly errands. But what if instead of just going shopping at Costco and getting an ice cream cone on your way out, you take 15 – 20 minutes to sit down at one of their tables and enjoy an ice cream cone together, spending a few minutes talking? Guess what, this could be considered a date.

Please understand that a “date night” does not actually have to happen at night. If you have kids try dropping them off at your parents, with a friend, or pay for them to participate in a weekend activity. Then go off to see a movie, take a walk or possibly get an early dinner, just the two of you. What is important is not the time of day you have your “date” or coming up with the perfect and most expensive activity, rather, it is that the two of you are intentionally, and sometimes creatively, using the time you do have to focus on each other and have some fun.

There has been a lot written over the years about the importance of taking “date nights.” I do not disagree. But, I would add that this topic can bring stress and further resentment into what may already be a rocky relationship. Please remember that date nights, however you define it, are an opportunity for you and your spouse to say to one another: our marriage is important enough that we will make ourselves available to each other and give it the priority and attention it deserves. How you spend that time is where the fun begins.

God Bless,

Doug Hedrick