Most people if asked whether they thought they were good communicators would typically answer yes. But if their spouse was asked this question about them, the answer is usually very different. I too have always considered myself a good communicator, but after an recent incident involving my wife and kids, I realized I had gotten away from what has worked so well for me in the past. We often need little reminders to get our attention so we can make the necessary adjustment to get us heading in the right direction again. Here are four key ingredients that will help improve the quality of your family communication.
The first ingredient is BE HONEST. This sounds easy enough but when being honest may hurt the feelings of someone you love, it can be very difficult to share what’s really on your heart. But let me encourage you that the best way for you to move forward and address important issues as they come up, is for you and your spouse to be honest and share what’s really on your mind.
The second ingredient is BE SELF CONTROLLED. When wanting to be heard over their siblings, my kids will often steadily raise their voices so that their lone voice can be heard. Adults employ similar tactics when emotions are running high and communication isn’t going so well. If you can remain calm and keep the tone and inflection of your voice in check, the quality of your communication will dramatically improve.
The third ingredient is BE SOLUTION FOCUSED. Have you ever been around someone who constantly complains about their life but yet never seems to do anything about it to make it better? While it is certainly appropriate for you and your spouse to make time to share what’s on your mind, it is not recommended to have conversations constantly dominated by complaining without equal time being allocated to discuss solutions.
The final ingredient is BE COMMITTED TO SPEAK WORDS THAT BUILD UP AND NOT TEAR DOWN. Of all the ingredients this one is arguably the most important. The Bible says “a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Words have the power of life and death so it is critical that couples choose their words carefully. I have spoken with many couples who still get emotional when asked to describe the impact of a negative or harsh word spoken to them in the past, even when it was said to them twenty years ago. So do yourself and your marriage a favor by regularly practicing speaking words that encourage and build one another up. The health of your marriage depends upon it.